How the TreizeGrinch Stole Christmas
by Seguchi Touma
Summary: 1x4-13x4 - Remake of the Dr. Seuss tale with Duo and Trowa singing the chorus, Quatre as Cyndi Lou, Heero as Max, and the great Treize as the Grinch.


Title : How the Treize-Grinch Stole Christmas  
Author: Zoisite NightDragon  
Archive: Fanfiction.net, HQ in Love, Blue Roses (if they want it) All others, please ask.  
WARNINGS: First off, I got talked into this with a challenge from a friend of mine that I couldn't adapt this story to Gundam Wing, and I only had an hour to write it in, so be aware there probably are grammar mistakes as well as a few misquotes. This is also a weird one for pairings wise in that it's 13x4 as well as 1x4. All chars are also a bit OOC (maybe a lot) General insanity and all.  
  
Cast:  
Narrorator: Zoisite NightDragon  
The Grinch - Treize Khushrenda  
Max, the Dog - Lady Une and Heero  
Cindy-Lou Who – Quatre  
  
*This all begins with a frantic Narrator stalking about trying to find one missing Treize Krushrenda for the evening's play. Backstage at present with everyone else wandering around*  
  
Zoi: Where the hell is Treize?!  
  
*Trowa speaks up from trying to lug a piece of scenery with Duo sitting atop it* I don't think he's coming. Something about him being entirely too dignified to be traipsing about in a green costume.  
  
Zoi: He better get here. Otherwise, I'm never writing him another 13x4.  
  
*Heero blinks and begins offering up information helpfully* I heard him say you could kiss his ass too.  
  
*Zoi eyes Heero warily* Riiight Hee-chan. Haven't you gotten enough 1x4 as of late?  
  
*Heero snorts* No. I'm still stuck going across the middle of a desert in one, in the shower in another with Wufei coming for a visit, and sitting in an insane asylum with my evil double in the other.  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops and starts hunting around, trying to ignore the 'Omae o Korosu' look being given by the disgruntled Heero as Quatre bounces over*  
  
*Quatre is so cutified that it would make even the most loyal fan sick. His blonde hair has been curled in ringlets about his cherubic face with two bright spots of blush on each cheek. A hint of lipgloss and sparkles on his skin make him just too adorable to stomach* Zoi-sama!  
  
*Zoi eyes him. After arguing with the Perfect Soldier, anyone being nice and respectful is eyed warily* What?  
  
Quatre: Treize-sama is almost ready. Someone locked him in his dressing room and rigged his doorknob to explode.  
  
*Heero goes wandering by whistling innocently*  
  
*Trowa and Duo look at each other before going off to make sure the rest of the Grinch props aren't rigged to detonate*  
  
*Zoi sighs and shoves Quatre over to his place and tries to get this fiasco started*  
  
Zoi: Every Who Down in Who-ville Liked Christmas a lot...   
But the Grinch,Who lived just north of Who-ville, Did NOT!  
  
*Treize stalks out on stage, plunking down in his throne and trying to look as grouchy as possible.  
  
Duo: Wufei must take a week off of being Treize's bedbunny around Christmas…  
  
Wufei: MAXWELL!  
  
*Zoi twitches and goes on* The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!   
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.  
  
Duo: I already said why. He wasn't gettin' any! Yipe! *ducks the downswinging katana blade*  
  
Zoi: It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.  
  
Heero: You can say that again.  
  
Zoi: It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.   
But I think that the most likely reason of all   
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.  
  
*Trowa leans over to whisper to Duo as Wufei finally stops trying to kill him* I heard that ain't the only thing two sizes too small.  
  
*Duo snickers* Remind me to ask Quatre about that later.  
  
*Zoi deathglares the two (Heero Yuy style) and tries to keep going*   
But, Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,   
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,   
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown   
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.   
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath   
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.  
  
*Treize is trying to ignore this all and not scratch in his costume. Someone seems to have filled the damn thing with itching powder. Leaning against the cave's edge, he scratches his chest, giving his best glare at the city before speaking. Evidentally, while Treize may be a great military strategist or leader, he sounds like William Shatner onstage* And they're hanging their stockings!   
Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!  
I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming  
  
*Duo nudges Trowa* Is it just me, or do Treize have fleas or a Star Trek obsession?  
  
*Trowa shrugs* Maybe he got too close to Une?  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops, making a note that Duo and Trowa are not getting any in later fics* For,Tomorrow, he knew...  
...All the Who girls and boys Would wake bright and early.   
They'd rush for their toys! And then! Oh, the noise!   
Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
  
*Duo grins* Yeah, like Quatre going 'Oh Treize!"  
  
*Trowa nods* Never get a room next to them. Talk about noise…  
  
Zoi: That's one thing he hated!   
The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
  
Trowa: You couldn't have guessed that from what I heard last night.  
  
Zoi: Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.   
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!  
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
  
*Trowa clamps a hand over Duo's mouth before he can even touch that one*  
  
*Zoi gives Trowa a grateful look* They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast beast   
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!  
  
*Duo nips at Trowa, finally getting free* Not unless it's spread on Quatre, huh?  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops* And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!   
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,   
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.   
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!  
  
Duo and Trowa: *singing* Silent Night, Quiet night  
We wanna sleep   
Don't put us near Treize  
Beds squeaking is all we hear  
When trying to get some shut eye here  
(Can't we) sleep in heavenly peeeeeaccceee  
Without listening to Quatre scream  
  
*Zoi is considering offering Heero another 1x4 if he just shoots them* They'd sing! And they'd sing!   
And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!   
  
Duo: Is that a request for an encore?  
  
Trowa: I think it is…  
  
Zoi: *hurriedly getting the rest out before they can start again*  
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who-Christmas-Sing,   
The more the Grinch thought  
  
*everyone waits for it while Treize is scratching his back on the cave wall. He gets the hint eventually and straightens up. He's the leader of OZ, damn it. He can stand a little itching powder. Really*  
  
Treize: I must stop this whole thing!   
Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!  
I MUST stop this Christmas from coming   
...But HOW?  
  
Duo: A battalion of mobile dolls on Whoville might do it…  
  
Zoi: Then he got an idea! An awful idea!   
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
  
Trowa: He had a mental picture of Quatre and Une naked.  
  
Duo: Nani?  
  
Trowa: Wonderful and Awful.  
  
Zoi: *mutters to self* Where did I put my Prozac?  
  
Treize: *while trying not to scratch anymore* I know just what to do!  
  
Duo: Go talk Wufei into a threesome.  
  
Trowa: Nah… go see if he can get Heero to stop trying to kill him for five minutes by offering him Une for a night.  
  
*both of them shudder as Wufei takes another smack at Duo's head*  
  
Zoi: And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.   
And he chuckled, and clucked  
  
*Treize slinks over to start sewing while muttering under his breath that he better get an amazingly great 13x4 for doing this* What a great Grinchy trick!"   
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!  
  
*Duo giggles* Hey Quatre, wanna sit on my lap and tell me what I can give you for Christmas?  
  
Trowa: Wanna candycane?  
  
*Treize sweatdrops. He wasn't thinking that… really. Well, maybe a little* All I need is a reindeer...  
  
*Once again, Trowa smacks a hand over Duo's mouth before he can touch that one*  
  
Zoi: The Grinch looked around.   
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.   
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said  
  
Treize: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!  
  
Zoi: So he called his dog, Max...  
  
*Lady Une stalks out, not happy in the least to be here. She's dressed in a brown puppy costume with her hair poofed up on the sides of her head like poodle ears*  
  
*Trowa and Duo are howling with laughter. Even Wufei cracks a grin, and Heero might just have a bit of a smile there too… before he goes back to plotting how to kill Treize, of course*  
  
Zoi: Then he took some red thread   
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.   
  
*Treize gives her an apologetic look before picking up the single horn and trying to tie it to her head. The mushy look she's giving him is interrupted by her yelping and pulling the horn off. Tiny spikes line the underside of it. Everyone glares at Heero*  
  
Heero: What? It wasn't me, but you might want to get her to a hospital quick. *mutters to himself* Stupid Treize picking it by the wrong end and getting my poison darts in Une…  
  
*everything goes on pause as a new Max is found. Heero himself is shoved out next in the Max costume. For a time, all those two can do is glare at each other. The poor Narrarator (namely Zoisite NightDragon) tries to pick up again*  
  
Zoi: THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks   
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.  
  
*Treize finally does snag ahold of Heero's arm and drags him towards the sled, keeping in mind this was the pilot that fell at his feet after the whole ZERO thing with Epyon. Heero bites him*  
  
Heero: No one ever said Max couldn't be rabid.  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops and gives Heero the 'No 1x4 Fics' threat again* Then the Grinch said  
  
*Treize climbs on the sleigh, playing hurt and attempting to look pitiful. Less 1x4 fics written mean more 13x4 for him* Giddap!  
  
Zoi: *sighs and rolls eyes* And the sleigh started down   
Toward the homes where the Whos Lay a-snooze in their town.  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.   
  
Trowa: I think I remember what it being quiet at night is like…  
  
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care   
When he came to the first little house on the square.  
  
*Treize jumps down from the sled, giving 'Max' another crack with his whip and avoid another bite* This is stop number one!  
  
Trowa: Hope this isn't Quatre's house. He'll be there all night.  
  
Duo: Is there such thing as an 'X' rated Grinch?  
  
Zoi: the old Grinchy Claus hissed   
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
  
*Trowa gags Duo again*  
  
Zoi: Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.   
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.   
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue   
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.  
  
*A rather sooty (someone *cough*Heero*cough* seemed to have painted the inside of the fake chimney with real soot) Treize slides down, slinking out and still muttering about it better be the best 13x4 in existence for this* These stockings, are the first things to go!  
  
Duo: See? Told you. Stealing Quatre's clothes already. Those pink ones are his.  
  
Zoi: Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,   
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
  
Duo: He better not have touched that edible cinnamon underwear I got for Quatre…  
  
*Treize is seen peeking into a few for said undies as he continues*  
  
Zoi: Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!   
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,   
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!   
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!   
He took the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!   
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.   
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash  
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
  
Duo: If he took the whipcream too, I'm sleeping on the other end of the base from him and Quatre…  
  
Trowa: I gotta wonder what Who-hash is.  
  
Duo: Recycled Grinches?  
  
*Treize eyes Zoi and sighs. He hates this line. Duo and Trowa are just waiting for it, he can tell. Taking a deep breath, he spits it out as fast as he can* And NOW! I will stuff up the tree!  
  
*Duo collapses into laughter once more while Trowa tries to shut him up*  
  
Zoi: And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
  
Duo: This is too easy…  
  
Zoi: When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.  
  
Duo: Still too easy...  
  
Zoi: He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!   
Little Cindy-Lou Who, who was not more than two.  
  
*Quatre finally wanders out, clad in a pair of bunny footed pink pyjamas and rubbing sleepily at his eyes before blinking cutely. You can just feel the sugar dripping off of him… not to mention hear Heero growling warningly offstage*  
  
*Treize tries to look worried while eyeing Quatre. It's sappy… very sappy*  
  
*Zoi reminds self to take insulin shot later from all this sweetness*   
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter   
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.   
She stared at the Grinch and said,  
  
Quatre: Santy Claus, why,  
Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?  
  
*audience awwws*  
  
Zoi: But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick   
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
  
Duo: Of course I'll respect you in the morning…  
  
*Treize snaps out of his Quatre induced attack and coughs*   
Why, my sweet little tot   
There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side.  
So I'mtaking it home to my workshop, my dear.  
I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here  
  
Zoi: And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head   
And he got her a drink and he sent her to bed.   
And when Cindy-Lou Who went to bed with her cup  
  
*Treize makes quite a show of patting Quatre's head, his hand lingering there a bit too long as well as giving him a glass of water and pushing him back to bed*  
  
Zoi: He went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
  
*As soon as Treize touches the tree, a loud ZAP is heard. Someone… rigged it to electrocute him. Stepping back and spitting out a puff of smoke, Treize glares at Heero before unplugging the tree this time and sending it up the chimney*  
  
Treize: *muttering* Knew I should have killed him when I had the chance…  
  
Duo: I don't see that in the script anywhere…  
  
Trowa: Didn't see Max the dog being rabid either…  
  
Zoi: Then the last thing he took Was the log for their fire!   
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.   
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
  
*said log is tossed with uncanny accuracy to land on Heero's head. A low growl is heard again*  
  
Zoi: And the one speck of food That he left in the house   
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.   
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' houses   
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Whos' mouses!   
It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed,   
All the Whos, still a-snooze When he packed up his sled,   
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!   
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
  
Duo: Do I really want to know what he's going to do with all those ribbons?  
  
Trowa: I don't think so…  
  
Zoi: Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,   
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!  
  
*Treize is happily smacking Heero/Max with his whip occasionally. There is going to be some payback later tonight for that one, you can count on it. Reaching the top, Treize jumps down, staying out of Heero's biting range* Pooh-Pooh to the Whos!  
  
Duo: You get that recorded?  
  
Trowa: Great blackmail material. Treize Khushrenda actually saying 'Pooh-Pooh'.  
  
Duo: And with Quatre not dressed up as said bear.  
  
*Treize glares at them before continuing* They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!  
They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!  
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two   
Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry Boo-Hoo!  
That's a noise,  
That I simply MUST hear!  
  
*Treize leans out, putting his hand to his ear dramatically*  
  
*Duo and Trowa look at each other before grinning and shouting in a false Quatre voice* Oh Treize! Right there!  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops and is wondering if that little pub on the corner is still open at this hour* So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.   
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.   
It started in low. Then it started to grow...  
  
Duo: …  
Trowa: …  
  
Duo+Trowa: Too easy…  
  
Zoi: But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!   
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!   
He stared down at Who-ville! The Grinch popped his eyes!   
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
  
Duo: Heero went back for Quatre when he wasn't looking?  
  
Trowa: That fleet of Leos had finally gotten there to blow Whoville off the map?  
  
Zoi: Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,   
Was singing! Without any presents at all!   
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!  
  
*Duo snickers*  
  
Zoi: *while eyeing Duo warningly* Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,   
Stood puzzling and puzzling…  
  
Treize: How could it be so?  
It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!   
It came without packages, boxes or bags!  
  
Duo: I'm not gonna go there…  
  
Zoi: And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.   
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!  
  
Duo: Maybe these condoms are a bit too small…  
  
*Zoi sweatdrops and slides Wufei some money to go hurt Duo or shut him up*  
  
*Treize hands over some cash as well before doing his lines* Maybe Christmas, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!  
  
*Duo eeps and hides behind Trowa*  
  
Zoi: And what happened then...? Well...in Who-ville they say   
That the Grinch's small heart Grew three sizes that day!  
  
*Duo dodges a whap* It was the pink pyjamas, wasn't it?  
  
Zoi: And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,   
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light   
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!   
And he...   
...HE HIMSELF...! The Grinch carved the roast beast!  
  
*Duo goes running, dragging Trowa with him as a human shield as Wufei gives chase. Treize sneaks out with trying to avoid all the deathtraps and get to Quatre first. Heero resumes hunting down Treize for more fics of his own… and Zoisite NightDragon is currently nursing a whiskey and wondering how in the world the poor author got talked into doing a play with the GW boys* 


End file.
